From Manager to Leader: The Day I Stopped Swimming

Reading time: 8 minutes | Last updated: December 2025

I was lying on a houseboat in Kerala when I realized I'd been managing my entire career—even the parts where my title said "leader."

The backwaters moved slowly around me. No agenda. No optimization. Just drift.

And my brain couldn't handle it.

"You should capture this. Journal the insight. Make it useful."

Even there—floating through one of the most beautiful places on earth—I was still MANAGING. Managing the moment. Managing the experience. Managing myself.

That's when it hit me: Managers swim. Leaders float.

This isn't just a metaphor. It's the fundamental difference between transactional management and transformational leadership—and understanding it changed how I lead, how my teams perform, and how sustainable my success became.

The Manager's Addiction: Why High-Performers Keep Swimming

For twenty years, I swam.

I planned every stroke. Calculated every move. Controlled every outcome.

I thought that's what good leadership looked like: always have the answer, always be in motion, always be optimizing.

My calendar was color-coded. My goals were SMART. My performance reviews were "exceeds expectations."

And I was drowning.

Because here's what nobody tells you about the transition from manager to leader: Swimming is exhausting when there's no shore in sight.

According to Gallup research on manager burnout, 76% of managers experience burnout sometimes, with 28% feeling burned out "very often" or "always." This isn't personal failure—it's a systemic misunderstanding of what leadership actually requires.

The manager mindset says:

• My value = my output

• More hours = better results

• Control = safety

• Exhaustion = dedication

The leadership mindset understands:

• My value = my team's capacity

• Strategic space = better decisions

• Trust = growth

• Sustainability = longevity

The Leadership Paradox: Why Senior Leaders Swim Hardest

Last month at a client’s (Large Tech Company) leadership workshop, I asked 17 executives:

"Who here has taken a vacation in the last year where you didn't check email?"

Three hands.

"Who's taken a day—just ONE day—where you didn't have an agenda?"

Zero.

These weren't junior managers. These were VPs, Directors, C-suite executives with decades of experience.

And every single one was still swimming. Still managing their teams, their time, their image, their inbox at 11 PM from a beach in Maui.

Here's the paradox: The higher you climb, the harder you swim. And the harder you swim, the less you actually lead.

Why? Because leadership requires something swimming doesn't: space. Space to see patterns, think strategically, notice what's not being said, and let solutions emerge.

When you're constantly in motion, you can't access your most valuable leadership tool: your ability to synthesize, strategize, and see around corners.

What Swimming Looks Like: The Manager's Operating System

Managers swim. Here's what that looks like:

You're Always IN the Work, Never ABOVE It

Solving problems instead of creating problem-solvers. Answering questions instead of teaching people to think. Attending every meeting because "nothing gets done without me."

Impact on your team: Dependency instead of autonomy. Learned helplessness instead of capability.

Calendar 100% booked = productive. Team is busy = engaged. You're exhausted = working hard.

Reality check: Harvard Business Review research shows managers spend 23 hours per week in meetings, with 71% reported as unproductive. That's not progress. That's drowning with witnesses.

You Measure Leadership by Effort, Not Impact

First one in, last one out. Responding to messages within minutes (even weekends). Wearing exhaustion like a badge of honor.

What your team learns: Leadership = suffering. Success = sacrifice. Sustainable success is impossible.

Is that the leadership legacy you want to leave?

What Floating Looks Like: The Leader's Operating System

Leaders float. Here's the transformational difference:

You Trust the Current

You know which problems solve themselves. You give your team room to struggle because that's where growth happens.

Real example: When I stopped attending my team's weekly standup, velocity increased 23%. Why? My presence had created performance theater instead of progress. Once I removed myself, they optimized for results instead of impressing me.

You Create Conditions, Not Outcomes

You set clear direction, then get out of the way. You remove obstacles instead of becoming one. You design systems that enable autonomy.

Manager Approach

Leader Approach

"Do it this way"

"Here's the destination, you choose the route"

Controls the process

Creates clarity on outcomes

Micromanages execution

Removes barriers to execution

You Know When to Stop

Not every moment needs to be productive. Not every silence needs to be filled. Sometimes the most powerful leadership move is: nothing.

A Stanford study on decision-making found that leaders who incorporated "strategic pause" made 37% better decisions and experienced 28% less decision fatigue.

You Operate from Presence, Not Performance

Your team doesn't need you to have all the answers, work harder than them, or be available 24/7. They need you to be present when it matters, show them sustainable success, and trust them to lead.

The 5 Critical Shifts from Manager to Leader

SHIFT 1: From Control to Trust

Manager mindset: "If I don't manage every detail, something will fall through the cracks."

Leader mindset: "If I manage every detail, my team never learns to catch what falls."

The practice: Identify one thing you're controlling that you could delegate completely. Not delegate-but-micromanage. Actually release it. Then watch what happens.

Most leaders discover the team member does it differently but effectively—or something falls and they catch it themselves. Both outcomes build capacity.

Zenger Folkman research shows leaders who excel at delegation have teams 33% more likely to stay and 20% more satisfied.

SHIFT 2: From Motion to Momentum

Manager mindset: "A full calendar means I'm productive. Empty space means I'm not working hard enough."

Leader mindset: "Empty space is where strategy lives. Margin creates momentum."

The practice: Block two hours every week labeled "Strategic Thinking." No meetings. No email. No agenda.

The first three times will feel uncomfortable. Your brain will scream "This is wasteful!" That discomfort is your addiction to motion talking. The breakthrough comes in week three.

Bill Gates famously takes "Think Weeks" twice a year—many of Microsoft's biggest strategic pivots emerged from these periods of stillness.

SHIFT 3: From Answers to Questions

Manager mindset: "My value is in having the answers."

Leader mindset: "My value is in asking questions that unlock their thinking."

The practice: Next time someone brings you a problem, try this:

1. "What have you already tried?"

2. "What else could you try?"

3. "What would you do if I wasn't here to ask?"

4. "What support do you need from me?"

Watch them solve their own problem. That's leadership development in action.

Harvard research shows managers who use coaching questions see 17% higher team performance and 24% higher engagement.

SHIFT 4: From Performance to Presence

Manager mindset: "I need to prove my value by working harder, longer, faster than everyone."

Leader mindset: "My value is in being fully present when it matters, not partially present all time."

The practice: One meeting per day, go completely phone-free. Not phone-on-table. Phone in another room.

Notice what changes: quality of conversation, depth of connection, team's willingness to be vulnerable.

Microsoft research shows teams whose leaders practice full presence report 40% higher psychological safety—the #1 predictor of high-performing teams.

SHIFT 5: From Fear to Faith

Manager mindset: "I'm swimming because if I stop, I'll drown."

Leader mindset: "The current is already carrying me. I've been working too hard to feel it."

The practice: Every morning for a week, complete this sentence: "If I knew the current would carry me, today I would..."

This is your activation list—things you're white-knuckling that you could release. Start with one. Document what happens.

Most leaders discover: The thing they were controlling didn't need them at all. And that's FREEING, not threatening.

The Leader's Daily Practice

Want to know the real difference? Managers have routines. Leaders have practices.

My leadership practice:

• 5:00 AM - Wake without alarm

• 5:15 AM - Silence (no phone, no input)

• 5:30 AM - Morning pages (3 pages, stream of consciousness)

• 6:00 AM - Movement (walk, yoga, or dance)

• 6:30 AM - Strategic thinking (three questions below)

• 7:00 AM - Family breakfast (fully present)

The Three Questions Every Leader Should Ask Daily

1. What am I swimming toward today? (What actually needs my energy vs. what I'm doing from habit/fear?)

2. What can I release? (What am I controlling that I could surrender?)

3. Where is the current trying to take me? (What opportunities am I missing because I'm too busy executing my plan?)

This practice changed my leadership more than any MBA, book, or training. Because it taught me: The best leadership happens in the space between thoughts, not in the hustle between tasks.

What Your Team Actually Needs

Your team doesn't need you to swim harder. They need you to:

Show them what sustainable leadership looks like. When you leave at 5 PM, you give them permission to have boundaries. When you take real vacation, you model that rest isn't weakness.

Trust them to navigate. They don't need you to solve every problem or answer every question. They need you to believe they can solve it.

Create conditions for them to lead. Not micromanagement or hand-holding. Clear direction, appropriate resources, and autonomy within boundaries.

Be present when it matters. Not at every meeting or on every thread. But when you're there, be ALL there.

Deloitte research shows 70% of employees say their manager has more impact on their mental health than their therapist—and equal impact to their partner. Your leadership behaviors set the culture.

Your Next Step: The 90-Minute Leadership Reset

Block 90 minutes on your calendar this week. Label it: "Personal Offsite - Strategic Reset."

Go somewhere you've never been. Even if it's just a different coffee shop. Bring a notebook. Nothing else.

Ask yourself:

1. What am I white-knuckling that I could release?

2. What would I do differently if I trusted the current?

3. What does floating look like for me?

Write whatever comes up. Don't filter it. Don't judge it. Don't make it useful.

Just notice what emerges when you create space.

That's where your leadership lives. Not in the swimming. In the floating.

The Choice

You have a choice:

Keep swimming → Stay exhausted, stay in control, stay in manager mode

Start floating → Trust the current, release control, step into real leadership

The water is the same either way. The only difference is how you move through it.

What will you choose? 🌊

Ways I Can Support You or Your Team:

1:1 Coaching
Navigate your next transition with personalized guidance. Work directly with me to activate clarity, courage, and momentum in your leadership.
Book a discovery call →

2. Keynote Speaking
Bring The Activated Leader methodology to your next leadership event. I help teams recognize when they're stuck, find the courage to move, and build the relationships that accelerate their careers.
Book Lilah →

3. Leadership Workshop
Half-day intensive for teams navigating transitions together. We'll work through relationship mapping, strategic networking, and creating accountability systems that actually work.
Explore here →

Ways I Can Support You or Your Team:

1:1 Coaching
Navigate your next transition with personalized guidance. Work directly with me to activate clarity, courage, and momentum in your leadership.
Book a discovery call →

2. Keynote Speaking
Bring The Activated Leader methodology to your next leadership event. I help teams recognize when they're stuck, find courage to move, and build the relationships that accelerate their careers.
Book Lilah →

3. Leadership Workshop
Half-day intensive for teams navigating transitions together. We'll work through relationship mapping, strategic networking, and creating accountability systems that actually work.
Explore here →

4. Fractional CRO 
Strategic revenue leadership for companies navigating growth transitions. Bring 20+ years of experience from Microsoft, Oracle, EMC, and Google to your team. 
Explore fractional support →

P.S. If you're reading this and thinking "I can't just take a day to drift—I have too much to do," that's exactly why you need to. The leaders who feel they can't afford to stop are usually the ones paying the highest price for never stopping. Let's talk about what a real reset could look like for you →

P.P.S. Know a leader who's been running on fumes? Forward this email. When 3 people subscribe using your link, I'll send you my complete "Sunday Night Survival Toolkit" for free.