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Issue #016
The Conference Room That Broke Me Open (And Why I'm Grateful)
I was going to write about golden handcuffs this week.
Then my inbox exploded.
"I got an NI three years ago. Never told anyone. Not even my spouse."
"Reading your story made me cry. I thought I was the only one."
"I've been carrying this shame for 18 months. Thank you for going first."
Message after message from leaders - brilliant, accomplished leaders - who've been hiding their "failure" like a dirty secret.
So we're staying here another week because shame dies in the light.
And because you need to know what happened AFTER that conference room. How I turned the worst review of my career into the best thing that ever happened to me.
"I'll meet him next to the stage, sitting on a barrel if I have to."
Those words came out of my mouth at Google's annual kickoff. January. Six months after getting blindsided by that NI rating.
And yes, I meant every word.
The Wake-Up Call I Needed
Last week, I shared how that conference room ambush shook me to my core. The NI rating - "Needs Improvement" in Google speak. It's like getting a D on your report card. The surprise. The request for my deal strategy while my career burned.
This week? The comeback story.
Because your worst moment can become your activation catalyst if you let it.
Here's what I realized after the initial sting wore off: I'd stopped managing up.
Constant manager changes. Musical chairs leadership. New faces every quarter. I got tired of proving myself over and over, so I retreated to my "little kingdom" - my customers, my deals, my comfort zone.
Big mistake.
When no one's advocating for you in the room where decisions happen, excellence becomes invisible. And invisible excellence might as well not exist.
The Three-Move Comeback
Move 1: Close the Deal That Matters
First things first - I had to prove the NI was wrong. Not with words. With results.
That manufacturer deal they asked about while delivering my death sentence? I closed it. 90 days post-NI, we landed one of the biggest deals of the quarter.
Funny how perceptions shift when revenue hits. Suddenly, people remembered my name again.
Move 2: Climb Past the Gatekeepers
Next, I mapped the power structure. Who actually made decisions? Who influenced those decisions? Who could be my advocate? ADD - So my immediate skip level manager was my first stop.
His response was... enlightening.
"Slow down, little lady. You're too ambitious."
Little lady.
Not "let's discuss your career path." Not "here's how you can grow." Just a pat on the head and a suggestion to shrink.
In that moment, I knew he'd never be my champion. So I did what any activated leader would do - I went higher.
Straight to the top of the food chain. The head of the entire organization.
Was it bold? Yes.
Was it risky? Absolutely.
Was it necessary? 100%.
I sent him a cold email: "We've never met. I'm in the X Cloud Team. Here's what I've accomplished. I'd love 15 minutes to discuss how I can create more impact."
His response was immediate: "Absolutely. Work with my assistant."
Then reality hit. His assistant blew me off for three months. November request. December silence. January arrived with our annual kickoff, and I still didn't have that meeting.
That's when I said those words: "I'll meet him next to the stage, sitting on a barrel if I have to."
Move 3: Ask for What Showcases Your Strengths
When I finally got that meeting (yes, we found 15 minutes by the stage), I didn't waste it.
Most people in that situation ask for a job. Or beg for mercy. Or complain about unfairness.
I asked two strategic questions:
"Who's the best in the business that I can learn from?"
"I'm an 8 or 9 (ADD - on a scale of 1-10) at facilitating and engaging audiences. Where can you leverage that skill to create more impact?”
Notice what I did there? I didn't ask for "any project." I didn't say "I'll do anything." I asked for visibility doing what I do best.
The 6-Month Transformation
The results speak for themselves:
Month 1-3: Closed the deal, shifted perceptions
Month 4: Finally got that skip-level meeting
Month 5: Received analyst summit invitation and training
Month 6: Speaking publicly on behalf of Google
People started reaching out, saying they'd heard I was "an up-and-comer" and that they were "supposed to spend time with me."
Six months. From conference room gut punch to public platform.
The Real Lesson: Managing Your Internal Brand
Here's what most high performers miss: Your internal brand needs as much attention as your external results.
Managing up means:
Ensuring decision-makers know your wins
Building relationships 2-3 levels above you
Creating advocates who speak for you when you're not there
Making your value visible, not assumed
It's not about:
Playing politics
Kissing up
Being fake
Abandoning your values
It's about ensuring your impact has witnesses.
Your Activation Questions:
Who knows about your best work? If it's just your immediate team, you're vulnerable.
When did you last connect with skip-level leadership? If you can't remember, you're invisible.
What's your unique value proposition? Mine was speaking/facilitation. What's yours?
Who advocates for you when you're not in the room? If you don't know, no one does.
The Barrel Strategy
Here's what "I'll meet him on a barrel if I have to" really means:
It means you stop waiting for perfect conditions.
It means you create your own opportunities.
It means you refuse to let gatekeepers determine your worth.
It means you're willing to look foolish in pursuit of your activation.
To everyone who messaged me about their hidden NI, PIP, or "failure" - this is your sign. Stop carrying it in shame. Start using it as fuel.
The Workshop Connection
This skip-level strategy? It's exactly what I teach in Workshop 2: "Permission Slips Are for Kindergarten" (Oct 27-31).
Because waiting for someone to notice your brilliance is a losing game.
Whenever you're ready, there are 3 ways I can help you:
The Activated Leader Coaching: My flagship 1:1 coaching program for executives and leaders navigating career transitions. Learn the exact framework I used to go from NI rating to speaking on behalf of Google.
Keynote Speaking: Bring The Activated Leader methodology to your next conference or company event. My keynotes help teams move from stuck to activated, with clear action steps they can implement immediately.
The Leadership Accelerator Workshop Series: Join leaders from top companies in my intensive workshop series where we tackle the real challenges holding you back - managing up, executive presence, and navigating transitions.
Stay activated,
P.S. That executive who told me to "slow down, little lady"? He was gone within a year. I stayed six more, on my terms, building exactly what I wanted. Sometimes the best revenge is massive success.
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