The feedback that crushed me came from the person I learned from most.

Earlier this month, I told you about a 1:1 with my manager that went differently than I expected.

If you missed it → Read Issue #38

He called me into his office and told me the team didn't feel I was adding value. He wouldn't tell me who said it. He wouldn't give me specifics.

And I told you what I did instead of quitting on the spot.

I went to every person on that team, one by one, no HR buffer, no manager sitting in, and I asked them directly.

Person 1 smiled warmly and said:

"Everything's good. You add value in every meeting. I don't know what he's talking about."

I appreciated it. I wrote it down. And I knew, even in that moment, it wasn't useful.

Person 2 leaned forward and said:

"You have a lot of valuable content and ideas to share. You just don't speak up the way I'd need you to. You hold back."

That one stung. I felt it in my chest. But I also felt something else, relief. Because that one had an address. I could fix that.

Person 3, and I want you to feel the weight of this moment, looked me dead in the eye and said:

"I'm going to call a spade a spade. You should be in sales operations, not sales. You aren't cut out for this. You shouldn't have gotten this job. This is not the right place for you."

I smiled. Said thank you. Walked back to my desk.

And fell apart.

I sat with that for days.

Not the first response, I barely thought about it after I left the room. Not even the second, I'd already started working on it.

The third one. That one lived in me.

And here's what I know now that I couldn't see then.

That man became one of the most important people in my professional life.

Not in spite of what he said. Because of it.

He was the only person in that room willing to give me something real. Something specific. Something I could actually do something with.

The first person protected my feelings. The second person gave me something polished and safe. The third person gave me the truth, unfiltered, unpackaged, and uncomfortable as it was.

Our team went on to win President's Club.

And that man? He became a mentor. A friend. Someone I still think about when I need to hear hard things without flinching.

Here's what this experience taught me, and what I now see in almost every leader I coach.

Most of us are surrounded by feedback. Very few of us are surrounded by truth.

The people closest to you will soften what they say because they need something from you. Your peers will tell you what keeps the relationship intact. Your manager will tell you what they think you can handle.

So when someone actually shows up and tells you the real thing, the thing that lands like a punch, that is the moment to stay in the room.

That is the moment most leaders walk away from.

I almost did.

Who in your life is willing to tell you the truth, and are you creating the conditions to actually hear it?

That's not a rhetorical question. I want you to sit with it.

Because the feedback that almost ended me is the reason I'm writing to you today.

→ If you're in a transition right now and you're sitting on feedback you don't know what to do with, or you suspect you're not getting the full picture, reply to this email with the word FEEDBACK. I'll personally respond with one question that will help you decode exactly what you're working with.

With intention,

P.S. If last week's issue about the "not adding value" conversation resonated with you, forward this one to someone who needs to read it. The people who need this arc most are the ones sitting on feedback they haven't processed yet.

1. The Activated Leader Transition Program
6 weeks. 3 calls. A clear next step. Reply FEEDBACK to get started.

2. Keynote Speaking
Bring The Activated Leader to your next event or offsite.
Book Lilah →

3. Leadership Workshop
Half-day intensives for teams navigating change.
Explore here →

You don’t need to be a coder to make AI work for you. Subscribe to Mindstream and get 200+ proven ideas showing how real people are using ChatGPT, Midjourney, and other tools to earn on the side.

From small wins to full-on ventures, this guide helps you turn AI skills into real results, without the overwhelm.

Get Your Free Guide