Issue #013
Never Be the Thirsty Girl at the Bar
Five words that knocked the wind out of me on a Friday afternoon I'll never forget.
I'd been working with this team for 2 years. Had glowing reviews. Support from skip-level leadership. The person in the role had mentored me for months. I knew every customer by name.
I was a shoo-in for this account manager position. Or so I thought.
My new boss, who'd been with the team all of one month, looked at me across his desk and delivered the news like he was ordering coffee.
"We think they'll be a better fit."
My breath stopped. The room spun.
"Who did you choose?" I managed to ask.
"Can't tell you that yet. But we'll need you to train them since you know all the details."
You've got to be kidding me.
The Protection Paradox
Most leaders think their job is to protect what they've built. Protect their reputation. Protect their relationships. Protect their position in line for the next opportunity.
But protection is just fear dressed up as patience.
I walked out of that office, made it to my empty cubicle, and let the tears fall. I was crushed. Humiliated. Furious.
But here's what that rejection taught me - a lesson I now share with every executive I coach:
Never be the thirsty girl or guy at the bar.
You know the one. He or she is fixated on that one person, hoping they'll notice him/her, waiting for them to make his/her night. They’ve given all their power to a single outcome.
That was me with this promotion. I'd pinned everything on this one opportunity. Made assumptions about my worthiness based on other people's validation. Put my entire career trajectory in someone else's hands.
The leaders who truly thrive? They're constantly creating options and destroying assumptions.
They understand a fundamental truth: You can either be an expert at waiting for permission or a student of creating possibilities.
You can't be both.
The Student Mindset
The next morning, the sun came up. And I made a new plan.
Because here's the uncomfortable truth: There is no one opportunity that will make or break you.
Not the promotion you're waiting to hear about. Not the partnership that's taking forever to close. Not the board seat you're being considered for.
When you only have one option, you're not negotiating, you're begging.
When you have three options, you're choosing from abundance.
That willingness to create multiple possibilities? It's your most valuable leadership asset.
Because every time you choose certainty over exploration, you're choosing limitation over growth. Maybe not an immediate limitation, but the slow suffocation of your potential.
Your Activation Assignment
This week, I challenge you to cure your career thirst:
Identify where you're being the "thirsty girl or guy at the bar” - that one opportunity you're obsessing over
Start conversations about three NEW opportunities this week
Make a list of 10 people who could open doors you haven't considered
Reach out to at least two of them before Friday
Not when you're ready. Not when you have more clarity. Not when the timing is perfect.
Now. While you're still building other possibilities.
Because of the gap between waiting for permission and creating options? That's where activated leaders live.
The Uncomfortable Truth
That role I didn't get? The person they hired lasted 6 months.
By then, I'd already moved on to something 10x better, including launching my speaking career.
Sometimes rejection is just protection you don't understand yet.
Your expertise is not your security. Your relationships are not your safety net. Your track record is not your guarantee.
The most powerful position isn't getting the role you want. It's having three offers or options to choose from.
What opportunity have you been waiting on?
And what three new doors could you open while you wait?
Ready to activate your next level of leadership?
If this resonated with you, you're not alone. Every leader I work with is navigating some version of waiting vs. creating.
Here's how I can help you stop being the thirsty girl or guy at the bar:
The Activated Leader Keynote: Transform your next event with a message that moves teams from stuck to activated. Perfect for sales kickoffs, leadership retreats, and company-wide meetings. New Speaker Reel drops tomorrow!
1:1 Executive Coaching: Work directly with me to navigate your biggest transition and create multiple pathways to your next level.
Corporate Workshops: Bring The Activation Methodology to your entire leadership team. 90-minute sessions that create immediate momentum.
See you next week,
P.S. My new speaker reel launches tomorrow, something provocative that captures everything I believe about activated leadership. Set your notifications. When it drops, you'll want to be first to see what's possible when you stop waiting and start creating.
